I don’t usually get overly emotional on this blog. Most of the time, I try to keep things educational or just explain whatever is happening in my life. But lately, this feeling of transgender loneliness has been hitting me hard. And the whole point of this site is to help people feel less alone. So today, we’re talking about it.
What Transgender Loneliness Actually Feels Like
Most days it feels like I have to stay hidden. Like I can’t talk about my feelings. Like I have to dress the way people expect instead of the way that feels authentic. Even around the people who do know I’m transgender, it feels like walking on eggshells. Constantly calculating what’s “too much” or “too soon.”
I don’t really have anyone in my everyday life who understands what I’m experiencing. Statistically, only about 0.8% of people are transgender. In a company of 450 people, that means maybe three or four of us. Spread across 20+ locations. Probably never interacting. And even if we did? The chance we’re in the same stage of life? Even lower.
I have the community here. And on social media. And on Discord. And I love all of you. But it’s not the same as having someone physically in your life who really gets it.
Layer on top of that the political climate and the fact that I live in the middle of a very red state in the Bible Belt. You can imagine how isolating it gets.
Why Transgender Loneliness Hits So Hard
There’s no one around me with shared experience. No one who fully understands the emotional weight I’m carrying. Even when people want to help, they don’t always know how to. Safe spaces are limited and outlets are few.
Honestly? A lot of days it feels like my therapist is the only person I can truly talk to. She’s wonderful, don’t get me wrong. She has empathy, but she doesn’t have the lived experience. And some days, that gap feels huge.
As I write this, I realize I might be making assumptions about her experience in the community. I’ve never actually asked, and it isn’t really my place to. But it still leaves me unsure of how much she truly relates.
How Transgender Loneliness Shows Up Day to Day
At work, I often feel disconnected from myself. I dress in a way that fits the expectations around me because of the boundaries my wife and I agreed on. A lot of my day ends up spent thinking about gender and trying to navigate those feelings quietly, which makes everything feel heavier. And honestly, I spend a lot of time mentally planning posts for this blog because it’s one of the few places where I feel like I can express what I’m actually feeling.
Because of all that, I feel inauthentic at work. I can’t show my coworkers who I really am, so every interaction feels slightly off. It makes me feel like a fraud, like I’m performing an expected version of myself instead of actually being myself. And when you’re not showing people who you really are, it becomes almost impossible to truly connect.
Friendships come with their own complications too. I constantly filter what I say because I don’t want to confuse anyone, overwhelm anyone, or cross boundaries in my relationship. So I pull back. I disconnect. And even when I’m surrounded by people, I still feel like I’m carrying everything alone.
What We Can Do About Transgender Loneliness
Honestly, this is why I have this blog. It’s small. It’s low pressure. And it’s important.
Here are a few things that have helped me:
- LGBTQ spaces
- Online support groups
- Discord communities
- Making new transgender friends
- Building connections one at a time
- Letting supportive people in slowly
- Not cutting non-transgender people out of your life
- Teaching and guiding people when they’re open to learning
Transgender loneliness is real. I feel it deeply. And I know I’m not the only one.
You’re Not Alone Even When It Feels Like You Are
This post is me venting, but it’s also me reminding myself that these feelings are valid. They’re heavy. And they’re part of the process. We don’t have to pretend we’re fine just because we’ve made progress somewhere else.
We’re allowed to feel lonely.
We’re allowed to struggle.
And we’re allowed to take up space while we figure it out.
One day at a time.
One small step at a time.
Just don’t forget to take care of you.
Have You Felt This Too?
If you’ve ever dealt with transgender loneliness, I’d love to hear your story. What helped you? What still feels hard? Your experience might be exactly what someone else needs to read today.
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