Starting a personal blog felt like a big step.
Fifty posts in, I should feel proud. I should be celebrating.
But instead? It feels hollow.
Like I’m pouring my heart into something no one will ever see.
The Fear That Starting a Personal Blog Was a Mistake
Here’s the honest truth: I’m scared that none of this matters.
That I’m doing all this work—writing, editing, researching, learning SEO—just to scream into the void.
No audience.
No connection.
Just… emptiness.
And it makes me wonder: what if I really am just wasting my time?
Feeling Like a Freak for Even Trying
Some days I hear this voice in my head that says,
“You’re just a freak talking to herself.”
And the worst part?
Sometimes I believe it.
I feel embarrassed by this blog.
Ashamed of needing it.
Guilty for not being “trans enough” to do more.
Like I’m pretending I matter when I don’t.
Maybe the blog itself is just one more way I try to feel seen—without ever actually being seen.
Why I Keep Showing Up Anyway
I wish I could say I write just for me. But I don’t.
I want to be heard. I want this to mean something.
I want to know that maybe, maybe, someone out there feels less alone because of these words.
And still… even if no one ever reads this?
Even if it never leads to anything?
I think I’ll keep going.
Because this blog is the one place I don’t have to lie to myself.
What Fifty Posts Into Starting a Personal Blog Feels Like
So yeah, fifty posts sounds impressive.
But it doesn’t feel like a milestone.
It feels like a mirror I don’t want to look into.
And yet—here I am.
Still writing.
Still hoping.
Still showing up.
If you’re reading this—thank you.
If you’re feeling this? Even more so.
And if you’re not reading this?
I’ll still be here.
Talking to myself.
Just in case someone needs to hear it one day.
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