What Five Months of Gender Identity Therapy Has Shown Me

So, I’ve been in gender identity therapy for about four months now.
And honestly? It’s been a mix of progress, clarity, and a whole lot of uncomfortable growth.

Starting Out: The Non-Gender Stuff

Early on, we didn’t talk much about gender at all.
We focused on everything around it—stress, trauma, depression, anxiety.
Basically, the goal was to see if something external might be making me feel like questioning my gender.

The short answer? Yes… and no.

Yes, I’ve got stress. Who doesn’t? But nothing unusual.
Yes, there’s trauma. But it’s not the cause of my gender feelings—it’s more like context. Background noise that explains certain patterns but doesn’t define me.
And yeah, depression’s part of the picture too, but most of it connects to gender stuff, not separate from it.

There’s also this deeper thing underneath everything—a sense of purpose.
Like, who am I supposed to be? What do I actually want?
It’s not just about gender; it’s about direction.

Shifting Toward Gender Identity Therapy

Eventually, we moved past the surface stuff and started digging into gender itself.
My therapist figured out pretty quickly that I’m a bit more self-aware than average. (Her words, not mine.)

I read. I overthink. I come to sessions with bullet points.
Apparently that’s not normal? Who knew.

She’s had me work through exercises and books—like The Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook—which have honestly helped me connect dots in ways I didn’t expect.

If you’re interested, I wrote a full review of The Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook. Be sure to check that out.

One assignment was to intentionally avoid femininity for a while and write down how it made me feel.
Spoiler: not great.

Then she had me lean into femininity and note that too.
That one hit different—in the best way.

Since then, I’ve found myself spending more time as Michelle.
After the kids go to bed, I change almost every night now.
My wife jokingly called it “exposure therapy” for her.
(That’s a whole separate post waiting to happen.)

The Big Moment in Gender Identity Therapy

At some point, my therapist said something that stuck.
She told me—plainly—that she does believe I’m transgender.

Hearing her actually use that word hit me harder than I expected.
It was validating, sure. But it also made me feel… weirdly guilty?
Like I hadn’t earned the label yet.

Still, that moment mattered.
Because since then, our gender identity therapy sessions have focused less on “if I’m trans” and more on “what that means for my life.”

The Work Now

We’ve started talking about what integration might look like—how I can live more authentically while still keeping my family grounded.
And yeah, there’s been progress.
Especially with my wife.
But that’s a story for another time.

Where I’m At

Gender identity therapy hasn’t magically fixed anything, but it’s made things clearer.
I’m still scared sometimes. Still uncertain about the future.
But I’m not hiding anymore.

I’m showing up.
I’m doing the work.
And little by little, it’s starting to feel like I’m becoming me.

Have you started gender identity therapy yet—or thought about it?
I’d love to hear what that journey’s been like for you.