In some ways, I really am proud of myself. Pride Month 2025 isn’t even over yet, and I’ve already done more than I ever thought possible:
- I lived a full week as Michelle, in full-on housewife mode.
- I went out in public for the first time as Michelle.
- I told my wife about both the housewife part and how deeply this runs.
- I came out as transgender at work.
- I started gender therapy.
That’s not small stuff. That’s huge.
So why do I still feel so much shame?
Living Between Genders During Pride Month 2025
I keep coming back to the title of this blog—Between Genders—because honestly, it fits better than I ever meant it to. I feel in-between in everything.
In-between coming out and staying silent. In-between labels. In-between genders. In-between being visible and hiding.
I carry shame just for wanting femininity in the first place. I feel guilty for even having the audacity to explore gender. Like, who the hell do I think I am?
I haven’t transitioned. So do I even have the right to call myself trans? Or ask questions about hormones or social changes? I feel like a fraud in queer spaces. Like there’s a finish line for transness, and I haven’t crossed it yet—so I don’t deserve to be in the race.
Why Pride Month 2025 Doesn’t Fix the Shame
Rainbow flags are everywhere this month. At my job. In ads. On social media. Even in our breakroom.
I see them. And I want to feel something. Joy, maybe. Community. Belonging. Pride.
But all I feel is shame.
I’ve made moves this month that should feel like victories. But after the adrenaline fades, what’s left is embarrassment. Anxiety. That weird, sick feeling like I exposed too much and can’t take it back.
And part of me doesn’t even want to celebrate Pride Month 2025. Like if I do, it’ll be a silent admission. That people will know. That even just decorating for it will out me.
We got an email at work the other day about a Pride Display Contest. And part of me genuinely wanted to go all out. But another part of me panicked. If I do this… will people suspect? Will they see me? And am I even ready for that?
The Messy Process of Pride
The irony isn’t lost on me. Pride is something you earn after working through the shame. It’s not a switch. It’s not a party you just show up to. It’s a process.
I want to feel proud. I want to own my identity and celebrate it. But I’m still carrying so much weight.
I’m trying. I really am.
That’s all I can say right now.
Do you ever feel like this during Pride Month 2025?
I’d love to hear from others who are still in the middle of it—still figuring things out. You’re not alone. And neither am I. (I hope…)
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