I’m transgender, and I spend every day working in a professional environment. Even though I’m still presenting as male there, being transgender at work is always sitting quietly in the back of my mind. I feel safe where I work, and I’ve never feared harassment. We even have another transgender person in my department. However, living in this “in-between” space comes with a level of mental weight that I don’t think most people ever see.
What Being Transgender at Work Looks Like for Me
On the surface, everything seems normal. I like my job. I like the people. And realistically, I think most coworkers already have a sense that I’m… different. Even so, being transgender at work while not out yet means constantly thinking about when (or if) I should move forward.
Sometimes I feel confident that transitioning here would be fine. Other times, I wonder whether starting fresh somewhere else would be easier. I also know I’m under market value for what I do, but I’ve never chased the money because the company is good enough that it’s never felt necessary. Still, the idea of pairing a transition with a job change always sits quietly in the background.
The Choices I Keep Coming Back To
Every day I bounce between two paths: transition where I am, or move to a new company as Michelle from day one. Both options come with real positives.
Transitioning at my current job would feel safer and simpler in many ways. I know the culture. I know the people. And I’m pretty sure I’d be supported. But I also think about my wife. She knows several of my coworkers, and I’m constantly aware of how my transition might impact her socially. That pressure makes the decision heavier than it may look from the outside.
The Logistics I’d Face if I Transitioned at Work
If I choose to transition at my current job, it wouldn’t be complicated because people are difficult. It would be complicated because there are simply a lot of pieces to think through. Not dramatic pieces. Just details that matter when you want things to go smoothly for everyone involved.
I’ve already had informal conversations with HR and my department head. Nothing is on record, but they know what’s going on and both were supportive. That alone made everything feel a lot less overwhelming.
One of the biggest practical considerations is the bathroom plan. Bathrooms are one of the most well-known “hot button” topics for transgender people, and our building layout makes it a bit more complicated. We have unisex bathrooms nearby, which is great, but if I’m ever working on a public-access floor or somewhere that doesn’t have them, I want a clear plan documented. Not because I expect problems. But because clarity keeps everything calm, predictable, and respectful.
After that, I’d need to talk to my immediate coworkers. Realistically, I’d probably give them about a month of notice (possibly less?). Enough time for people to adjust without creating a drawn-out countdown that makes everything weird. Then there’s the wider company: the people who interact with me occasionally but not often. Some would be surprised. Some wouldn’t. All of it is manageable, but it still takes emotional energy to navigate those first interactions.
None of this scares me. It all feels doable. I just know there will be awkward moments because people don’t always know what to say, and I’d be the one carrying that awkwardness while still trying to do my job.
Why Starting Fresh as Michelle Still Appears Tempting
There’s something appealing about joining a new workplace as Michelle from the beginning. No explanations. No transition timeline. No “before and after” comparisons. Just me, fully myself.
Because of that, I’ve already sent out resumes, interviewed a few times, and even turned down a job offer. All of those interviews were in boy mode, though, and that part feels a little inauthentic. It’s hard to talk about your future and your goals while knowing you’re not showing them the full version of who you are. And honestly, I don’t entirely know how to navigate that yet. It feels like I’m caught between who I am and who they expect to meet.
I’m not chasing a new position unless it’s a meaningful improvement or aligns with a decision to transition. Even so, having options feels smart and gives me room to breathe while I figure out what comes next.
How Being Transgender at Work Shows Up Day to Day
Working while keeping this part of me quiet creates a strange sense of distance. I dress in ways that match the boundaries my wife and I currently have, but it still leaves me feeling disconnected from myself. During the day, I often think about gender and quietly try to navigate the emotions that come with that.
As a result, I feel inauthentic at work. I’m not lying, but I’m also not showing people who I really am. That makes conversations feel just slightly off-center, like I’m performing instead of participating. When you can’t be yourself, connecting with coworkers becomes harder than most people realize.
Where I Am Right Now in This Process
I haven’t made a final decision, and honestly, that’s because there’s a much bigger piece missing: my wife and I don’t even have a clear plan for when—or even if—I’m going to transition. Without that, trying to plan something as big and complicated as transitioning at work is almost impossible. Every option depends on a choice we haven’t made yet, and that makes everything feel like it’s floating in limbo.
Even so, I can’t stop thinking about it. Some days transitioning at my current job feels right. Other days a fresh start feels smoother and less emotionally tangled. And then there are days where I’m not sure what I want at all, because the timing, the impact on my family, and the emotional weight of it all make the decision feel so much bigger than just “work.”
Right now, I’m exploring. I’m paying attention to how I feel. I’m talking with my wife. I’m trying to understand what our future could look like before I make a choice that affects every part of my life. It’s not simple, but I’m getting closer to understanding what feels right.
Have You Dealt With Being Transgender at Work Too?
If you’re navigating your own transgender at work experience, I’d love to hear what helped you decide your path. Did you transition openly at your workplace, or did you start fresh somewhere new? Your story could make this decision a little easier for someone else walking the same road (like me!).
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