I’d been dressing for a while. Just quietly. On my own.
I told myself it was just clothes—but deep down, I think I was already exploring femininity, even if I didn’t have the language for it.
Then my wife found out.
To her credit, she didn’t blow up. She gave me space. Not necessarily support, but still… space.
As long as I kept it separate from her, I was free to explore things on my own terms.
That changed everything.
Because once I didn’t have to hide anymore, something new started creeping in.
Exploring Femininity as a Crossdresser: The Question That Hit Me
It didn’t happen all at once. There wasn’t some big dramatic moment where everything clicked.
It was more like a slow build.
Eventually, this one question started circling around in my head:
If I like the clothes this much, does that mean I’d enjoy other things girls like too?
Now, it sounds kind of simple. But at the time? That question felt huge. Like I was breaking some rule I didn’t even know was there.
Giving Myself Permission to Explore
Since I wasn’t hiding anymore, I figured—why not find out? Just a little.
The first thing I questioned was my sexuality. Do I like men? Was I gay?
So I experimented. Nothing outside my marriage—just toys, fantasies, solo stuff.
That’s where it started.
But it didn’t stop there.
Exploring Femininity Beyond the Bedroom
From there, it grew into more things. Stuff I’d always thought of as “girly.”
I tried makeup.
Got obsessed with journaling.
Lit a couple candles—and got fucking hooked.
Started using body sprays and perfume.
Tried painting. Dabbled in writing. Learned how to crochet.
And for the first time ever, I actually gave a shit about skincare.
I’ll go deeper into all of that in future posts. But the big takeaway?
Every single thing I tried felt… right.
I Know These Aren’t Just “Girl Things”
Look—I get it now. None of this stuff is inherently feminine.
Plenty of women don’t do any of it. Plenty of men do.
But back then, I had this clear, kind of cartoonish idea of what femininity was.
And I needed to know: Did that version of femininity feel like me?
What Exploring Femininity Actually Uncovered
This didn’t make me instantly question if I was transgender.
Honestly, I’m not sure I even knew that word at the time.
But it did force me to admit something else: I didn’t know myself at all.
I didn’t know how I felt about my body. Or my identity. Or really anything.
I just knew that the more I kept exploring femininity as a crossdresser, the more things started to make sense.
I Had Been Missing Out
That’s what hit me the hardest.
I’d spent years ignoring things I might’ve loved—because I thought I wasn’t allowed to enjoy them.
Exploring femininity didn’t magically give me answers.
But it gave me something way more important: permission.
Permission to keep trying things.
To keep asking questions.
To keep figuring out who the hell I actually am.
Your Turn
Have you ever had that moment—where you realized it might be about more than just the clothes?
What did you explore when you finally let yourself try?
I’d really love to hear.
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