Being a transgender parent means constantly walking the tightrope between truth and protection. This is one of the hardest parts of my journey: choosing not to tell my kids—at least not yet. They’re still young, just elementary school age, and I’ve made the decision to keep this part of me private for now.
It’s not about shame. It’s not even really about hiding. For me, it’s about timing—protecting their emotional space while they’re still figuring out the world around them.
💜 This is a small part of my personal journey. Want the full story of how I figured it all out? I broke it all down here:
Crossdresser vs Transgender: How I Finally Figured Out Who I Am
Protecting My Kids as a Transgender Parent
Parenting means putting their needs first. And as a transgender parent, that often means making uncomfortable choices to give them a stable, uncomplicated childhood.
I’d love to live more openly. I wish I could bring my full self into every room. But the truth is, their world is already complex enough. School, friendships, their own growing identities—that’s a lot for little minds to hold. Adding in my transition, my gender identity, my truth? It’s just… too much right now.
Kids Can Be Cruel—and That Changes Things
I love expressing my femininity. It’s not a costume or a phase. It’s me.
But showing up to school drop-off in girlmode? Or starting hormones and letting my appearance shift openly? I wouldn’t just be me anymore—I’d become the dad in a dress. The one the other kids talk about. The parent that makes their life harder, not easier.
Kids are observant. And yes, they can be cruel. Even if my kids are loving and open, the world around them isn’t always kind. I’m not willing to risk their safety or emotional well-being just to feel more seen right now.
So my makeup, my clothes—they’re tucked away. Not out of fear, but out of love. I need them to have space to just be kids.
How a Transgender Parent Teaches Acceptance Without Oversharing
Just because they don’t know I’m trans doesn’t mean I’m not teaching them what matters.
We talk about kindness. About love. About gender and how it’s not as fixed as people make it seem. I make sure they know boys can like pink, girls can be strong, and families don’t all look the same.
But I haven’t said, “Hey, I’m a transgender parent.” Not yet. They don’t need to carry that at this stage. Their understanding of themselves is still forming, and I want them to have the freedom to grow without trying to make sense of something that even adults struggle with.
Finding Balance Between My Transition and Parenting
Being a transgender parent means living two lives sometimes.
There’s the part of me that’s quietly transitioning in the background—learning makeup, wearing soft clothes at night, tracking changes that no one else sees. And then there’s the version they see: stable, consistent, still dad.
Integrating both sides isn’t easy. It’s emotionally exhausting some days. But right now, this split keeps everything functioning. It protects their innocence, even as I grow more into myself.
Is Hiding the Right Call? Maybe Not—But It’s Mine.
Am I 100% sure I’m doing this the best way? No.
But it’s what feels right right now. I have to believe that giving them a steady, simple version of home is worth the wait. And when the time comes—when they’re older, more emotionally grounded—I’ll be ready to tell them everything.
If you’re a transgender parent in this same spot, please know this: you’re not doing it wrong. You’re navigating impossible choices with love. That counts.
Final Thoughts from a Transgender Parent in Waiting
There’s pressure to be open. To be out. To never hide a thing. But parenting asks for nuance, and sometimes that means holding part of yourself back—not forever, just for now.
I’ll tell them eventually. With love, honesty, and pride. But today, I’m still their parent. Still showing up. Still doing the absolute best I can—even if part of me stays tucked away a little longer.
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