Quitting crossdressing wasn’t something I planned. But when I met my wife, I knew I was stepping into something serious—and I was terrified I might ruin it. There was still a lot of shame wrapped around my identity, and I convinced myself that hiding this part of me was the only way to keep her from leaving. So I quit. Just like that.
💜 This is a small part of my personal journey. Want the full story of how I figured it all out? I broke it all down here:
Crossdresser vs Transgender: How I Finally Figured Out Who I Am
The Day I Decided I Was Quitting Crossdressing
Everything I owned—panties, skirts, bras, shapewear, breastforms—was packed neatly into one big plastic storage bin. In some ways, that made quitting crossdressing feel easy. Honestly, too easy.
One morning before work, I loaded the entire bin into my car. I didn’t hesitate. On the way to work, I pulled up to a dumpster, threw it all in, and drove away. It was fast. Clean. Uncomplicated on the outside.
Inside, though? It felt like a death.
What Hurt Most to Let Go
There were a few pieces that were easy to part with. But others were a gut punch.
The skirts hurt—especially the soft, pleated ones. I’ve always had a weakness for those. More than that, the breastforms, shapewear, and wigs were brutal to lose. They were the things that made me feel cute. Feminine. More than just a guy in different clothes. And since they were expensive, ordered online, and hard to replace, tossing them felt like erasing so much effort and care.
I Thought Quitting Crossdressing Was the Right Choice
At the time, I really believed I was doing the right thing. This was just a phase—something I tried as a teen or in college. Now I was an adult, and I told myself that real adults didn’t do this. Especially not ones who wanted to be loved. Especially not men who wanted to be taken seriously.
More than anything, I was scared. I thought if my girlfriend (now wife) ever found out, she’d leave. And I couldn’t let that happen.
So I threw everything away and told myself I’d never look back.
Quitting Crossdressing Didn’t Last Long
Here’s the truth: I missed it immediately.
The day I purged, I sat at my desk at work completely distracted. I kept thinking about the bin. Wondering if it was still there. Telling myself to move on, and yet deeply wanting to go back for it.
The urges didn’t go away. Over the next few weeks, I kept trying to reframe it like an addiction. Something I needed to fight through. Something I could overcome for the sake of love. For a while, I didn’t act on those feelings.
But they never left.
You Can’t Actually Quit Crossdressing
Now, looking back, I understand it wasn’t really about her. Yes, I thought I was quitting crossdressing to protect the relationship. But I was also trying to protect myself from the truth of who I was.
I wasn’t ready to accept that part of me. So I tried to erase it.
The feelings stayed. The longing stayed. And even if I wasn’t dressing, I was still carrying it with me every day.
Quitting Crossdressing Taught Me Something
Even though the purge was painful, I wouldn’t take it back. Not because it was the “right” thing to do—but because it helped me understand that you can’t delete identity. You can throw away the clothes. You can toss out the forms. But you can’t throw away the part of you that feels like home.
It just waits—quietly—until you’re ready to let it breathe again.
If You’ve Tried Quitting Crossdressing, You’re Not Alone
This is so common. And it doesn’t make you broken. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re navigating a world that doesn’t give you space to exist comfortably.
So if you’ve done this too—if you’ve ever thrown it all away, tried to start over, or felt ashamed of what brings you peace—you are absolutely not alone.
Be kind to yourself. We all do what we need to survive. And trying to quit crossdressing doesn’t mean you failed. It just means you’re still learning who you are.
And that’s okay.
0 Comments