I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about what a social transition might look like. Especially when it comes to work. It is a constant back-and-forth in my head. Do I stay where I am? Do I begin a transgender job search where I could walk into a new company as Michelle from day one? Everything has felt theoretical until last week when an unexpected opportunity forced me to think about all of this more seriously.
How My Transgender Job Search Took an Unexpected Turn
This started when I noticed that my former employer was hiring for a role similar to the one I held years ago. Instead of just wondering whether it was a good fit, I put together a detailed six-month plan explaining exactly what I would do if I returned. I sent it directly to the owner, bypassing HR completely. Within a short time, she reached back out and asked to meet.
The interview went better than I could have hoped. She was enthusiastic about the proposal and asked about my salary expectations. I gave a number close to six figures. And she didn’t push back! She said an official offer is coming and that she just needs to work out how to justify the amount. Hearing her say that out loud was surreal.
Navigating the Interview in Boy Mode
All of this would already be a lot to deal with, but it’s even more complicated when you add gender into the mix. I interviewed in boy mode. I’m not fully out, and showing up any other way felt impossible. The owner commented on my hair being longer than she remembers, and I casually explained that I’m growing it out. It was a simple comment. Yet it still made something tighten in my chest. It brought my gender identity right back into focus, even when I was trying not to focus on it.
Despite all of that, the interview itself felt really good. I walked out confident. Not just in my professional abilities, but in how I handled myself in a complicated situation.
The Bigger Question: Who Would I Be If I Took This Job?
Now I’m staring down a very real offer (potentially). It’s financially significant and professionally exciting. But everyone there knows me as male. Stepping back into that environment comes with its own weight.
I’ve been trying to figure out what version of myself I’d bring with me. Staying closeted is one option, even though it doesn’t feel great. Coming out later is another. Starting the job as Michelle is technically possible, but I don’t know if I’m ready. Or if the environment would be. A gradual transition after starting HRT is also something I’ve considered. There’s even the possibility of negotiating remote work so I can live more authentically without feeling exposed before I’m prepared.
None of these choices feel easy, but they’re all part of a transgender job search when you’re in this early, uncertain stage.
The Reality Behind a Transgender Job Search
A transgender job search isn’t just about finding a new role. It’s also about timing, culture, safety, HR policies, disclosure, and the emotional toll of deciding when to be seen. I know I have workplace rights, but I’m not fully clear on what they cover. That’s something I need to look into, and honestly, that research is probably going to become another article.
Where My Family Fits Into the Picture
I need to be honest about where I’m at right now. Transition isn’t something I can jump into without thinking about the people around me. I have a wife and kids, and their needs matter. My wife has asked me to keep everything inside our home for now, and I respect that. We’ve made a lot of progress recently, so the idea of a future social transition doesn’t feel unrealistic anymore. It’s just… not happening now.
And that’s why this job situation feels so big. It doesn’t just change my work life. It forces me to think about who I’m becoming and when I’m ready to let the world see her.
Why I’m Sharing This (Even If It Feels Premature)
Part of me feels like writing about this is pointless, because I’m not fully out yet. If someone looked at me from the outside, they might think none of these decisions matter until the decision to fully transition. But they already matter to me. They shape how I move through the world and how I imagine my future. That’s the whole reason I started this blog in the first place: to share my real experience, even when it’s messy, confusing, or “too early.”
This stage counts too. These thoughts count too. The uncertainty is part of the story.
Final Thoughts on My Transgender Job Search
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know what the “right” choice is. I’m trying to hold space for possibility while also being honest about my limitations. This is what a transgender job search looks like before the transition actually happens. It’s full of questions, what-ifs, and quiet moments where you sit with your own truth and try to imagine what comes next.
If you’ve navigated something similar, I’d genuinely love to hear how you approached it.
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