The night I came out as transgender to my wife wasn’t planned.
There wasn’t a big setup or dramatic moment.
I just hit a point where I couldn’t keep it in anymore.
For months, I had been journaling—pages and pages—trying to understand what I was feeling. Gender stuff. Identity. What it meant for me, for our marriage, for everything.
And then one night, I told her.
Before I Came Out as Transgender, I Thought I Was Just a Crossdresser
For most of my life, I used the word “crossdresser.”
It was the only label I had. And honestly? It felt shameful.
I hid it. Even from her.
Eventually she found out, and while she wasn’t mad about the crossdressing itself, she was hurt that I had kept it secret from her. Totally fair.
She didn’t shut me down.
She gave me space. Not fully supportive, but tolerant enough to let me figure things out.
Realizing It Was More Than That
That space gave me room to notice things.
I started realizing that what I was doing wasn’t just dressing up.
It wasn’t a phase. It wasn’t just sexual.
Everything about femininity—the emotions, the way I moved, the way I connected to myself—just felt right.
It wasn’t about the thrill anymore.
It was about identity.
And it didn’t go away.
Journaling Helped Me Understand Before I Came Out
I started writing to make sense of it all.
What I was feeling. What I wanted. How it affected our relationship. My sense of gender. My body. My sexuality.
And at some point, all that writing built up to a moment I couldn’t avoid.
I told her I was transgender.
I handed her the journal.
And I asked her to read it.
What Happened When I Came Out as Transgender
She said she’d read it—and she did.
But after that, we kind of stopped talking about it for a while.
I don’t know what she was thinking.
It felt like maybe she didn’t believe me.
Like she thought I was just going through something. Stress, trauma, maybe even depression.
We didn’t fight.
But we didn’t talk about it either.
It just… sat there.
Slowly, the Conversations Started Again
Eventually, we started talking.
Carefully. Slowly. Piece by piece.
She asked what I wanted. Full transition? Just dressing at home?
We talked about the kids. Our future. What this would mean for everything.
It wasn’t easy.
But it was real.
Coming Out Is Harder When It’s Close to Home
My wife has always said she’s an LGBTQ ally.
She’s part of the community herself.
But it’s different when the change is in your own house.
When it’s your marriage on the line.
When your partner comes out as transgender.
Supporting from a distance is easy.
Living with it isn’t.
She’s Trying—Even If It Doesn’t Always Feel That Way
I still don’t think she totally believes me.
Not yet.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just tolerated.
But she hasn’t shut me down. She hasn’t walked away.
She’s encouraged me to talk to a therapist.
Someone who specializes in gender and trauma, depression, stress.
She wants to make sure we’re not missing something.
And honestly? That feels fair.
I’ve officially started gender therapy. You can read all about that first gender therapy session here.
After I Came Out as Transgender, We Had to Start Somewhere
This is a massive shift.
Not just for me—for us.
And if I’m asking her to walk through this with me, I need to be open to her concerns too.
So I booked therapy appointments.
One was literally today. Another is tomorrow morning.
We’re starting the process.
I Don’t Regret How I Came Out as Transgender
I don’t know where this will go.
But I’m glad I said it.
I’m glad I told her.
And I’m glad we’re talking.
Even if it’s messy.
Even if it’s slow.
It’s real. And it’s happening.
Have You Come Out to Your Partner?
If you have, how did it go?
If not—what’s holding you back?
You’re not alone. 💬
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