Crossdressing in secret wasn’t part of the plan. When I got married, I told myself that chapter of my life was closed. My wife didn’t know about my past, and I had no intention of bringing it up. I thought I could leave it behind forever. But a few years after the purge, something shifted.
How Crossdressing in Secret Started Again
It had been two or three years since I got rid of everything. My wife and I were building a life together. We were happy. And on the surface, I was fine. But deep down, every now and then, I’d see something—a skirt in a shop window, a memory bubbling up—and I’d feel this little ache. A sadness. A quiet longing I couldn’t shake.
What finally triggered it was something small but intimate. We were experimenting in the bedroom, just playing around. She pulled out an old (but still cute) pair of panties and asked me to put them on. It was lighthearted, in the moment, just for fun.
Except it wasn’t just fun for me.
Crossdressing in Secret Meant Emotional Whiplash
The moment I slid them on, the old feelings came rushing back. Yes, it was sexy. But also? It was comforting. Familiar. Real.
At the same time, it felt wrong—because she didn’t know. She thought it was a one-time thing. Meanwhile, I was silently overwhelmed by how right it felt, and how much I missed it. So I stuffed those feelings back down and moved on. Or at least, I tried.
Hiding Crossdressing From My Wife Became a New Routine
A few weeks later, I gave in. I went out and bought myself a new multipack of panties. I actually took my time with it—found the size, styles, and fabrics I liked. I also grabbed a houndstooth pleated skirt. I had missed those more than I realized.
Slowly, I started buying more and more. A new bra. Breastforms. A new wig. A cute top and a cardigan. A new dress.
I hid everything in an old PowerMac G3 computer case. It was discreet, heavy, and sat right out in the open—no one would ever guess. And the moment I put the everything on again? It was like coming home. I’d forgotten how much I loved the feel of women’s fabrics. How they moved. How they made me feel.
But the shame came too.
The Fear of Being Found
Even though crossdressing in secret brought me comfort, it also brought a ton of guilt. I was terrified my wife would discover the clothes. Or see me in panties. I told myself I was being careful. That as long as she didn’t see, it wasn’t really hurting her. But I knew the truth: I was keeping something big from someone I loved.
I promised myself the clothes were only for when she wasn’t home. The panties? Fine, as long as I changed before she noticed. But every time I dressed, I felt like I was walking a tightrope. Any slip could shatter everything.
How Long I Stayed in Hiding
Honestly? A lot longer than I expected. Maybe six months. Maybe a year. I was methodical. I stayed ahead of laundry. I checked my hiding spot constantly. I cleaned up fast when I needed to. And still, every day I carried the fear that I’d be found out.
I didn’t hope it would go away this time. I knew it wouldn’t. I just wanted to protect her. I didn’t want to cause pain. I didn’t want her to think I was some secretive pervert. I didn’t want her to see me differently.
So I stayed quiet.
Why I Wish I Hadn’t Hidden It
Looking back, I wish I had told her sooner. Hiding crossdressing from my wife wasn’t the healthy or honest choice. But it was the one I thought I had to make. I didn’t know how to bring it up. I didn’t even know how I felt about it fully yet.
Would I do it differently now? Probably not. That time taught me something important. It taught me what honesty in marriage really means. It taught me how silence builds walls, even when we think we’re protecting someone.
You’re Not Broken If You’re Crossdressing in Secret
If you’re crossdressing in secret right now—or hiding it from your partner—you’re not broken. You’re not alone. You’re navigating something hard and personal and real.
This journey isn’t easy. But you don’t have to carry the shame forever. There’s a difference between being private and being hidden. And sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is let someone in.
Even when it’s terrifying.
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