I didn’t realize it at the time, but Disney movies were my first experience with gender envy.
I grew up obsessed with the golden-era films: The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Hercules. They were magical, dramatic, emotional—all the things I wasn’t supposed to like that much as a little boy. But I did. A lot.
The princesses had beautiful hair, gorgeous dresses, and voices that could carry entire stories through song. I wasn’t just watching them—I was wishing for something I didn’t have the language to explain.
💜 This is a small part of my personal journey. Want the full story of how I figured it all out? I broke it all down here:
Crossdresser vs Transgender: How I Finally Figured Out Who I Am
Gender Envy Was Always There
I didn’t hear the term gender envy until I started seriously exploring my identity. It came up during one of those deep dives into what being transgender might mean for me—and why I couldn’t stop thinking about these things from my childhood.
Hearing the term didn’t fix anything. It didn’t even offer relief. But it did offer clarity.
“Oh. That’s what I was feeling.”
I had that same realization all over again later in life—like during college, when dressing up brought those old feelings rushing back.
It was recognition. And even now, there’s still shame wrapped up in it. That sense of I shouldn’t want this. But I do. And slowly, I’m learning to sit with that.
Singing Their Songs in Their Voice
Even as a kid, I didn’t just sing the princess songs—I tried to sing them in their voice. I wanted to match the register, the softness, the sparkle. I still sing them now, honestly. With some musical training behind me, I can hit more of the notes with their resonance, but the feeling hasn’t changed.
It was never about being funny. It wasn’t ironic or silly. It felt real. And private. And a little bit forbidden.
The Princesses I Loved Most (and Why It Mattered)
The ones I connected with most weren’t just beautiful—they were smart, confident, and knew how to stand their ground.
Meg from Hercules
Jasmine from Aladdin
Belle from Beauty and the Beast
They weren’t just waiting to be rescued. They had opinions. They questioned things. And they still got to wear the dress and sing the song.
Maybe that’s why I saw myself in them—or wanted to. They were everything I felt I wasn’t allowed to be.
Gender Envy Was Never About Attraction
People assume if a boy loves princesses, it means he has a crush. But for me, that was never true.
I wasn’t in love with them. I didn’t want to hold their hand or kiss them under the fireworks. I wanted to become them. I wanted to go through the transformation, wear the dress, be the center of the story.
There was no confusion. Just a quiet ache I didn’t have permission to name.
That kind of ache? I wrote more about it more. Because I realized I didn’t want to date the cheerleader—I wanted to be her.
I Still Want the Dress
The closest I’ve ever come to trying on a “princess” dress was putting on a prom dress once, years ago, while helping some girls shop. It wasn’t quite the same—but it stuck with me.
A few years ago, I started learning to sew. At first, it was for cosplay. I wanted to try building some princess looks. But it also became a way to make clothes that actually fit me. Not just my body, but my feelings.
And yes, I’ve always wanted to do a full Disney princess photoshoot. Hair, gown, makeup, maybe even a castle backdrop. It’s still on my list.
The Shame That Comes with Gender Envy
I wish I could say I’ve moved past the shame. That I fully accept this part of myself.
But that wouldn’t be honest.
The feeling of I shouldn’t want this still lingers. Even now. Even when I know better.
But gender envy is still there too. And I’m trying to let that be okay.
If You’ve Felt Gender Envy Too
If you grew up wishing you were the girl in the dress—the one with the solo and the transformation scene—you’re not alone.
If you didn’t want to date the princess, but to be her, that’s gender envy.
And it’s valid. It doesn’t need to be explained or excused. It just needs to be felt.
Because it was real.
It still is.
And so are you. 💖
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